The stars mock you.

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Dreams woven intricately through the dark canvas of life,

sparkling at times,

at times becoming dim and dull.

Dreams equivalent to stars, seem to move further away as you reach for them.

They move away as you reach for them, taunting you and mocking you,

for your inability to reach higher,

for your weakness of losing hope,

for stumbling again and again,

for not standing up after you fall down.

They mock you.

Like stars they twinkle. And disappear. Then appear again.

Or maybe they are just there, and you fail to see them.

A cloudy night perhaps?

But the clouds part to reveal them again. And they mock you, again.

 

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A Sense of Belonging

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Lost in the darkness, she flails out her arms, just to see if there’s someone out there. Is there?

She turns this way and that. She cries out, but there’s no reply.

Dark, alone and so hopeless, she starts to cry. She feels a wall, huddles up and starts to cry. There’s no one there.

Who will hear her cries? Who?

It’s still dark, she gives up hope. What is she? Who is she for? She needed to belong, she’d been homeless too long, wandering far and wide without an anchor. She needed to belong.

But people were fickle, unreliable and just plain wrong. You couldn’t trust anyone. What was the use of belonging to someone who only let you down?

She cries, gasping and sobbing uncontrollably. She can’t even see her own hands, it’s so dark.

Suddenly, she sees a point of light far away, too tiny to perceive as real. But it grows stronger, as if, moving towards her. Brilliant white light, coming towards her.

She stops crying and wipes her eyes to look at it more clearly.

This is something else. It’s something else.

The light grows stronger, it comes closer. So brilliant, so blinding, she shields her eyes against it.

The light engulfs her.

It’s cool, she feels peace spreading inside her. All doubts are silenced, all chaos is destroyed, all questions have been answered.

She belongs. She always has, to the Light. She never truly opened her eyes. Her heart always knew it, she never listened to her heart.

She always had a home to return to, she always had an anchor.

She now knew. She saw the Light. She belonged to the Light.

*Be strong, love. You’ll find the Light*

Determination of an Ant

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She sat staring at the wall in front of her. An ant was climbing up this wall. She decided to follow the ant’s course.

So small it was, so fragile. If she would, she could crush it with her bare fingers. And one whole world would be destroyed at this action of her’s.

A whole world. An ant’s world.

So big it would be for the for the ant, so huge.

The ant was halfway up the wall. She blew a little on the ant. It struggled, but it held on. She blew harder and the ant fell.

So easy it was to pick on someone so small, she thought. So easy to make them fall.

The ant had fallen on its back and was struggling to right itself. It did, after a moment. And, as if deciding what to do, it started to climb the wall again.

So small it was, yet so determined? It fell down but refused to stay there?

If an ant, being so small, and so apparently insignificant, could be so determined, how could a human, so powerful in his own being, do so? How could a human, after facing a fall, refuse to stand up?

Mother and Daughter

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She’s trying on her mother’s jewelry.

She reaches for a gold ring, delicately, picks it up and slips it on. It’s too big and slides down. She puts it onto her thumb instead.

Next she attacks the bangles on the dressing table. The gold bangles clang on her small wrist, the diamonds winking playfully at her.

She looks at the gold necklace encrusted with rubies. She does not need to unhook it. The necklace chain is more than wide enough to slide over her head unhooked.

When she looks in the mirror, she does not see an 8-year-old Kundan in pigtails. She sees a princess, a beautiful princess of a faraway land. She feels beautiful, adorned with glittering jewelry. She feels as beautiful as her mother.

She carefully unbraids her hair and slides them over one shoulder. She slants her head to one side and watches the rubies glinting in the light.

She needs a tiara, she thinks. She picks up one of her mother’s shiny hair clips and attaches it onto her hair like a crown.

Next she rushes to her mother’s cupboard and takes out a shiny blue dupatta and wraps it clumsily around her waist like a sari. She gets a red lipstick, applies it hurriedly and smacks her lips, like she has seen her mother do so often.

She stands in front of the mirror, admiring her work. She leans in to have a closer look. She looks beautiful, she feels beautiful, and special, because she is wearing her mother’s jewelry.

The knob on the door rattles and she turns around to see her mother enter the room. The little girl runs expectantly to her mother and stands in front of her, awaiting her verdict.

The mother beams down at her with love affection and surprise. There’s a smile on her lips. She realizes that one day will come when she will have to leave her, when she will get married and go away. She realizes that she’s very lucky indeed to see her child grow up.

She takes Kundan back to the dressing table and makes her sit on the stool. Next she wipes off the extra lipstick from her face, and dresses her up, for real this time.

And when Kundan looks in the mirror, she’s not wearing her mom’s jewelry, or her makeup, or her shoes, she’s wearing all of her own things. And she looks even more beautiful than before.

Says the mother, “You don’t need to wear jewels or fancy clothes to look like a beautiful princess honey, you already are one.”

Ishq: Ishq-e-illahi

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To be truly lost in a cause, you forget the world around you.

It fades into the background and leaves the Subject shining invitingly.

The Subject’s light pulls at you, and you move to the center, helplessly attracted.

The protesting voices and the consequences are silenced.

They twinkle silently, an unheeded reminder of what could go wrong. And yet you keep moving towards the Subject.

You feel the gut instinct, you feel your heart telling you the Subject is worth it.

Your heart tells you to believe in the Subject, for you deserve it.

And that my friend is what we call ishq, to loose oneself, to surrender so completely and yet get so much more in return.

The white, pure beauty and grace flashes in front of your eyes, and
you feel the heat escaping, peace spreading and a coolness embracing you..

And you open your eyes to find the Subject still standing there.

And that is when you realize the world doesn’t matter anymore. It’s just you and the Subject.

The world just doesn’t matter anymore.

Greener on the other side?

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Part 1:

She stood on the river bank, listening to the gushing of the water, the spray hitting her face every now
and then. The river looked wide enough. She could cross it. She would cross it. She made up her mind.

Taking a deep breath she put one toe in the water, only to pull it back, the water was cold. She looked
around. There was nobody in sight.

She took another deep breath, and thought about how far she’d come from there to here. Now on the
brink of revelation, she couldn’t just give up. She couldn’t just throw it all away.

And she wanted to know if the grass was greener on the other side didn’t she? Didn’t she?

So why was she hesitating? She rethought, for about the zillionth time, was it worth leaving everything
behind? What if she drowned halfway? She wasn’t that good a swimmer.

And what if the grass wasn’t greener in the other side?

Questions, questions , questions.

Well, she thought, bracing herself as she prepared to jump, she wouldn’t know unless she tried now did
she?

And then she jumped.

Part 2:

She was drowning. She wanted air. She struggled to stay afloat. Her clothes were pulling her down, she
swallowed the sweet river water, and she was drowning.

That’s what she got for crossing this thing alone. She hadn’t even informed anyone she was going to do
this, she thought bitterly.

She resurfaced, only for a moment and called out for help, but her cries were muffled.

Who would hear her? There was no one around for miles. She hadn’t told anyone, she thought bitterly,
and now she was going to die. And she wasn’t even halfway there.

Wasn’t there something she could hold on to? A rock? A branch?

Oh God, she thought frantically, please let her find something. Please let her find something to hold on
to, she didn’t want to drown, she didn’t want to die. Not yet, please not yet,

The water was entering her eyes, her lungs, breathing was becoming difficult.

She was being pulled along the water. The river had become her enemy.

Submerged in Darkness?

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So what if you entered a darkened tunnel?

So what if you left everything behind?

So what if your hands are empty?

So what if your clothes are tattered?

So what if you don’t know where the tunnel leads?

So what if you’re tired, hungry and sleepy?

You know now that you have more space to carry new things now that your hands are empty.

You have a chance to get new clothes now that your clothes are dirty.

You’ve realised the importance of being blessed with food now that you’ve experienced hunger.

You’ve realised the importance of sleep now that you’ve gone without it for weeks.

You have a chance at a new life, now that you’ve left the old one behind.

And you’ll realise the importance of light, after being submerged in darkness for so long.

For you know now, that there is light at the end of every tunnel, and you’re going to find that light.

My ramblings about God and the Universe

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Im just thinking here. Just letting my thought process flow.

The other day i randomly remembered watching this meme on facebook, this guy who’s taking off his glasses and going “Mother of God”

Though the meme in itself might be funny, it were those three words that really triggered this.

Mother of God.

As a Muslim, I know that God is One: Allah. He has no mother, no father, no children or any other partner.

God. So where did He come from? (you see, im only asking those questions that randomly pop up in one’s brain but we seldom voice them)

My brain and heart answer it this way: He was always there.

Always There.

whoa. I mean, ok, i know our concepts of time and relativity are pretty warped up, what seems like an hour to me might seem like an eternity to someone else, but Always There?

(the following image would explain the relativity of time way better)

Anyhow;

My brain is too weak to comprehend this. It means after I accept this, I accept how powerful He really is.

If He’s been always there, then He must have made everything in the Universe.

This. Whole. Universe.

(Screw the Big Bang Theory, the world can not have popped out of nowhere without a reason)

Universes, galaxies, planets, stars, mountains, rivers, deserts, creatures, humans, every single thing..

Where does that leave me?

Naturally, if i accepted that claim, I’d feel so insignificant compared to the rest of the Universe.  What am i compared to the rest of the universe? Not even a speck of dust? Even that is too large..

It leaves me in a very humble state.

I mean if THAT is God, then who am i to consider myself so self-sufficient? or anyone who walks on this planet as if they own it?

And if He created this world, He can take it back too right? People die dont they? Where do they go after that?

The world can’t have been made in jest, can it? It cant have just popped into being. There must have been a reason behind all this.

Or what if this isnt really real? What if this is a dream, and all of us are dreaming, and when we die we actually wake up?

I know im loosing track of the main point here, but like i said, im just letting my thought process flow.

Ok. Feelings. He must have created feelings. Or were they Already There too.

Love, He created love, anger, jealousy, mercy, kindness and loads of other feelings that i can’t think of right now.

How Powerful He is. If He’s so Powerful, so Mighty how come He’s blessed such an insignificant, non-important (is that even a word?) person like me with so much? like, SO much?

I can see, i can speak, walk, think, write, heck I’m alive! like I said, SO much.

Why would a great power, The Great Power, even notice me? Moreover, how can He pay attention to every single person at the same time? I’m not the only one who’s been blessed with so much..

I remember a line from an Islamiyat book they used to teach from in school, it said that God loves you 70 times more than your own mother.

(and if you look at the previous image the other way round..)

This too, is too hard for me to comprehend. After all, one of the strongest thing in this world is a mother’s love, or just plain love right?

It just reinforces His power. He made the universe didnt he, how can it not be possible for Him to deal with so many people at the same time?

And if God, a Great, Powerful Being, is doing so much for me, who am i to be thankless? or ungrateful? or fret over umimportant stuff? who am i not to love Him back? or to deem this world more important than its Creator?

I mean, after realizing the claim, this world, and all the problems, stigmas, insecurities and everything attached to it seems so..  frivolous. 

In the end, my body may die, but my soul will be alive, it will have to return to Him.

Thats what the Quran says right? All of us have to return to Him oneday and give an account of what we did in this life.

our bodies may rot but our souls will be alive.

When i accept that Allah, All-Powerful, has been Always There, then, well, i guess i just understood one of life’s greatest mysteries.

Yeay me!

Hey im just thinking you know, just letting my thought process wander a little into murky waters..

The Reflection

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I’ve come to sweep you away”, a reflection in the water says.

“i’ve come to sweep you away to a land where you’ll be free from all of this. You’ll be in a world where you’ll have me. And i will take care of you. Come. Come with me.”

The reflection in the water holds out a hand to her.

She’s stepped in the water now, mesmerized.

Step by step she goes into the deep, her feet disappear, her knees, her waist, her head, untill you can see her no more.

She’s gone into the water

Some say she drowned.

Some say she found another world, a world she believed in. They say she found happiness in that world.

No Use.

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Illegally Parked Tankers

Three weeks ago, this wasnt even a road.

just a kacha path. where all the oil/water tankers stood, flanking, what was left of the road, on both sides.

Illegally Parked tankers

Then the construction started. the tankers were removed*by some work of a miracle*. the workers came in with all their tar/coal and stuff to build a road on this kaccha path.

we breathed a sigh of relief. maybe the tankers that stood hideously just outside our apartment building were really gone. maybe all the thak-thak of the tanker wallas clanging their hammers on the tankers was really gone.

we were wrong.

barely a week has passed since the road was constructed and the tankers are at it again. there’s a whole line of them now, that extends as far as the eye can see. all that material put in the road construction, the efforts of the manual labour, so much time, so much money: all wasted.

what’s the use of this road now?

the tanker walla’s have stayed their ground. the tankers will not move. and they will completely destroy the newly constructed road.

and here i was thinking, maybe, just maybe, the view from outside my window, will improve.

Mariyam Khan Baloch

Note: This picture is of the residential area overlooking the Sheerin-Jinnah Colony in Clifton Block 1 Karachi. The residents of this locality have to bear noise, air and visual pollution everyday due to the illegally parked tankers. the court has taken notice of this issue. a separate area has been assigned for the tanker people. but they’re still here, qabzofying the roads. For more information on this issue please read the following article

http://www.nation.com.pk/pakistan-news-newspaper-daily-english-online/Regional/Karachi/09-Mar-2010/Supreme-Court-seeks-report-on-illegal-parking